


Loving A Savior (Book Two)

by EideticPrettyBoySpence



Series: Negan’s Little Queen [3]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 17:54:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20661332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EideticPrettyBoySpence/pseuds/EideticPrettyBoySpence
Summary: This story takes place during 9x2 & 9x4-9x8





	Loving A Savior (Book Two)

We’re rudely awakened the next morning by Rick opening the door, and setting up a folding chair in front of Negan’s cell. He sets a plate with a sandwich at his feet. “You know, when I said you could guard him for a week, I was expecting you’d do it from outside the cell.”

“Rick, you can’t actually expect me to sleep sitting against the wall. And I’m sure you know how I feel about Negan by now. Before you say anything, no, I don’t give a fuck what you think. You know nothing about him, the real him. Look, I’ll lock us in here if it makes you feel better. But please, I am begging you, please don’t make me leave him.”

The slim man crosses his arms with a sigh. “You can stay, just lock the cell door. I don’t want him escaping cause you can’t keep your hands off each other.”

“Alright, you’ve got a deal. Thank you, Rick, really. I really do appreciate it. Did you want something or...”

Rick doesn’t respond, turning around and leaving, speaking over his shoulder before he shuts the door. “Lock that damn cell, I mean it.” I get up, taking the key off the windowsill to lock us in. 

The days start to bleed together, and Rick comes in to talk to Negan about the world their building outside. But the hazel eyed man never says anything back. After a while, his visits get less frequent. Early one morning, after not seeing him for at least a week, we hear the sound of Rick’s boots on the stairs, and the door opens as we’re kissing. I turn myself in Negan’s lap to see Rick come in holding a plate with a sandwich and the folding chair he sits on. He unfolds the chair and sits down, setting the plate on the floor next to him. He stares at us in silence for a while before speaking.

“It’s been a while since we had one of these talks. Don’t say it. I know. I’m the one who does most of the talking. I’ll try to keep it short, but you’re up late anyway, and it’s about time I got you up to speed. Today was day 35. And things are really taking shape. It wasn’t that long ago we were fighting just to stay alive. But it’s not like that anymore. We’re building. We’re growing. We’re still ready to deal with this world on its own terms. But we’re not letting it define us anymore. We’re getting back a piece of who we used to be, how things were before all this. It’s all happening. We’re not just fighting to survive anymore. We’re making a new beginning. It was a hard day. Hardest we’ve had in awhile. A man lost his arm. Project’s behind schedule.” He takes a deep breath. “People were at each other’s throats. Thing is though, bad as it was... when the day was done... they came together. Not all of ‘em, but enough. They chose to be together. You see what I’m getting at? No matter what happens, it’s human nature to come together. That’s just what we do.”

Negan scoffs softly. “That’s a real pretty picture you paint there, Rick. When do I get to see it?”

“Never. You’re gonna die behind these bars, you know that.”

I growl softly and start to try and get off Negan’s lap, but he holds my waist firmly and kisses the side of my head, shushing me softly. “Well then, don’t I get some sort of final request?” I whimper at his words, squeezing my eyes shut. Why don’t you bring me—“

“Don’t you ever get tired of acting like you’re still in charge?”

“Do you? You think just cause they had a little weenie roast that you’ve got all this on lock? When it finally goes to shit— and it will— you make sure you come back and you tell me all about that day too.”

“We’re thriving without you, building a future, just like I said we would.”

“Building it for who? For Carl?”

“You don’t speak his name.”

“Your family’s gone, Rick, same as mine. That bridge— it’s not the future. It’s a monument to the dead. You’re not saving the world, Rick. You’re just getting it ready for me.”

Rick shoves the plate under the bottom of the bars and walks away with his chair under his arm, slamming the door behind him. 

“What a prick. Geez.” I snuggle as softly as I can but my Savior still hears me. “Hey, doll, what’s wrong? What you crying for?”

“He’s awful, Negan, I hate him so much. It’s been a damn month and he’s still got you locked up like some kind of animal for his own sick amusement. He talked so coldly about you dying in here. And I can’t stand thinking about it. I can’t stand thinking about having to live without you.”

Negan tips my chin up and kisses me, silencing my sobs. Then he brushes away the tear that was rolling down my cheek with his thumb. “Hey darlin’ I’ve made it out of trickier spots than this before. I’m a goddamn cat. I’ll find a way to get get us both out of this.”

After a while, Negan starts refusing his meals, not that I blame him with the shit they try to feed him. But I know he can’t go on like this for long. I’m not sure how long it goes on before Michonne comes in one day, setting a tray of food down on the floor.

“The hunger strike ends today.”

“I’m not on strike.”

“Then what is this?”

“This is me not in the mood to eat. But it’s nice to know that you care.” I scoff softly, rolling my eyes. 

“We’re keeping you alive, and the living eat. So eat, Negan. It’s a nice day. I’ll be back in an hour. I want that gone.”

“Is that all you got?”

“I got better things to do.”

“You want me to eat? Well I want you to stay and talk to me. I mean I— I’m proof that you’re making a civilization, right? I mean, that’s what your boyfriend says, so it’s hard to be that if I’m dead from starvation,” my fingers tighten reflexively on Negan’s shoulder at that comment.

“I thought you said you weren’t on strike?”

“I’m not if you stay and talk to me.”

“I’d say it’s about twenty minutes til the sun hits that bar.” Michonne points. “That’s all you get. Then you’re gonna eat every last bite. You wanna talk? Let’s talk.” She sits down on a stool outside the cell. 

“Ladies first, I insist. Tell me about your day.” After Michonne finishes telling Negan about her day, he laughs softly. “Damn, that sounds more boring than my day. You’re the one that’s stuck in here with the C-team while Rick and his merry little band of bridge builders are out there. Why is that?” He stands up and walks toward the bars of the cell. I stand up and wrap my arm around his waist, and he pulls me against him with a hand on my hip. 

“You think I’m stuck?”

“I think I’m not meant to be rotting in this cell, just like I think the warrior in you is not meant to be planting kale and kissing boo-boos.”

“You think that’s all this is? We’re reordering the world. Rebuilding government and creating laws. We’re at the start of everything and nothing is holding us back. While you’re rotting in here with nothing.”

I tense my shoulders and open my mouth to retort when Negan’s grip tightens around my waist briefly. “I am, uh... I am grateful my wife didn’t have to see me like this.”

Michonne scoffs softly. “What do you mean? As opposed to the asshole you were before?”

“God, she was— she was an angel. She deserved better than she got.”

“What happened to her?”

Negan turns and leans his back against the wall with a sigh. “What used to happen. Cancer. We would have loved to have had a kid. We would have loved to have had a kid like Carl. You were lucky.”

“I think about him every damn day. But he’s still here. In everything we do. I look around and... I see him everywhere.”

“Do you see him in this cell?”

“Everywhere.”

“Carl wasn’t your first, was he?”

“I’d say you have about ten minutes to clear this tray and then I’m gone.”

“How did he die? It was a ‘he’ wasn’t it? Did he have your eyes?”

“His name was Andre. And he just didn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve made my peace with it.”

As my legs get tired of standing I sit down on the floor. Negan sits beside me a moment later, exhaling sharply and lacing his fingers with mine. “You know... you ask me, it’s better this way.”

“And how the hell exactly is that?” Michonne snaps harshly.

“My wife... she wasn’t made for this. She was weak when she died. There was a part of me that was relieved. And now I know— I know she made me... not weak. And with you— with you it’s the same.”

“We are not the same.”

“We were built for more. We still are, Michonne. Behind walls and bars, we die. But, see, out there... it’s like an addiction. I know that you know what I’m talking about. And that is why you’re grateful too.”

“Grateful for what?”

“That Andre’s gone. Because you know all he would have done is make you weak.”

Wordlessly, Michonne picks up the empty tray and tosses it in the corner, turning on her heel to leave and slamming the door behind her. I sigh and sink down onto the mattress. Negan kneels in front of me, holding my hands in his.

“What’s wrong, darlin’? Are you alright?” I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a shaky breath as a tear runs down the side of my nose and lands on our clasped hands. “Okay, I’ll take that as a no. The grey haired man sits next to me and pulls me against his side. 

I can’t control myself anymore; my body is soon racked with harsh sobs. Negan pulls me onto his lap and rocks me gently, murmuring against my hair. After a while I calm down enough to speak. “It’s been over a month, Negan. He’s sick, they both are. I sometimes wish that the prick wouldn’t have saved you that day. You were right, you’re not meant to rot in a cell. I can’t stand seeing you like this, slowly wasting away. I don’t want to lose you, Negan. But especially not like this. It’s cruel.”

The older man tips my chin up and kisses me softly. I cling to his jumpsuit, hands shaking. As he stops kissing me, he rests his forehead against mine. “One of Rick’s people will slip up one day, we’ve just got to bide our time until that happens. I told you when we first got here I’m not dying in this cell. And I have no plans to.”

“I just want to keep you safe. I know you don’t need me to protect you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want to. And I still don’t trust these people. Especially Rick the prick. Let alone Maggie or Daryl. I like Daryl well enough, I guess, aside from the fact he continuously tells you he’s gonna kill you. The only person here I trust is Judith, and that’s only because she’s a child so she has no reason to hate you, even when she grows up.”

“Don’t worry about me, doll. I’m a goddamn cat, remember? You know how many times these people have tried to kill me, and I’m still here.” 

“I’m sorry about your wife, Negan. I can’t imagine what that feels like, to lose someone that way.”

“I appreciate that, doll. But it was a long time ago, it doesn’t hurt quite as much anymore. You’ll probably hear the rest of the story someday.”

I straddle Negan’s lap and slowly grind my hips against his cock, drawing a groan from his throat. He cups my ass, slapping it gently. “Fuck, Negan. Do it again, harder. Please, spank me.”

He chuckles huskily in my ear. “You want me to spank you, dirty girl? Lay across my lap, hands behind your back.”

I quickly obey, my breathing quickening with excitement. Unknown to Negan, or anyone really, I’ve always been into BDSM, even before the apocalypse. But up until today, I was too self-conscious to let anyone know, especially the older man. I honestly didn’t even know I was gonna say it then, but once I said it, I felt a little lighter. 

“I want you to count for me, ok darlin’?”

I nod a few times before I answer. “Yes, Sir.”

Negan groans softly. “That’s my girl. You ready?” I just nod silently once again. He pulls my pants and underwear down, and I shiver as the air hits my bare skin. Negan’s rough palm caresses my left cheek softly. “Count for me, doll.”

Each time his palm hits my ass, I groan softly. “One... two... three... ah, fuck, four... five... six... seven... mm... eight... nine... ten.”

“Lay down on your back, hands above your head.” I scramble to obey quickly, my breath heaving out of my lungs as my eyes roam over my lovers face. He slowly unbuttons his jumpsuit as his tongue darts out to lick over his bottom lip. “You want me to fuck you, don’t you, darlin’?”

I nod quickly, biting my bottom lip. “Yes, please fuck me, Sir. I need you so bad.”

The gorgeous man chuckles softly. “You want this big cock, baby girl? Want me to make you feel so good?”

“I want your big cock so bad, Negan.” He chuckles and his tongue licks across his bottom lip once again. He tugs my pants down my legs and tosses them behind him, then let’s his gaze travel over my body, fucking me with his eyes. Then he pulls my underwear off, tossing them in the direction of my pants. “God, please fuck me, Sir.”

“Oh, I’m gonna fuck you alright. I’m gonna fuck you until you can’t remember your own name.” He slips three fingers in me slowly, one by one. 

I gasp softly as Negan’s fingers curl inside me. “Jesus, Negan, you make me feel so good. No one else could make me feel as good as you do.”

“That’s right, darlin’. I’m the best you’ve ever had. I know how to make a woman feel good.” As he speaks, his fingers brush against my sweet spot, and my muscles clench, prompting Negan to chuckle. 

The sound goes right to my core, and I groan softly. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum. Can I please cum, Sir?”

“Cum for me, doll. Let me watch you cum apart for me.” That’s all it takes for me to cum with a guttural moan. 

“That’s a good girl.” Negan pulls his fingers out of me, and brings them to his lips, slipping his middle and ring fingers into his mouth and sucking them. “Dam, darlin’ you taste so good. You wanna taste what I did to you?”

I nod, and he places his pointer finger against my lips and I open my mouth; he slides his finger across my tongue and I seal my lips around it, sucking my release off of his skin. Negan pulls his cock out of his underwear, spits softly on his palm, and strokes his semi-hard length a few times. 

“You ready for my cock, doll?” My lover lines himself up and rubs his cock up and down my entrance a few times. I let out a shaky breath and arch my hips. “Eager little slut, aren’t you? Don’t worry, I’m gonna fuck you. Just wanted to tease you a bit first.”

He slides his cock into me slowly, inch by inch, until his pelvic bone hits my clit. He leans his body over me , gripping both my wrists in one large hand. “Jesus, Negan. Oh my god.”

“Fuck, doll, you’re so wet for me.” He groans and pumps his hips excruciatingly slow. “That’s my girl.”

“Harder, Negan, please. Fuck me harder. I’m gonna cum, Daddy, I’m gonna fucking cum.”

He pulls almost all the way out of me, then sheathes himself fully with one snap of his hips, pulling a guttural groan from my throat. He grips my left hip tight enough to bruise as he starts to fuck me harder and faster. 

“Cum for me, you dirty girl. I’m right behind you.”  
I bite down on my lip to muffle my scream as I cum, and Negan chuckles, letting go of my wrists. “Wrap your arms around my neck, doll.”

As I obey his command, he stands up with his cock still inside me, and I gasp, laying my forehead in the curve of his neck. Negan walks to the end of the cot and presses my back against the wall, pumping his hips a few more times before groaning in my ear as he cums. I scrape my nails across his shoulders, leaving faint marks. 

“Feeling better now, darlin’?” I nod against his shoulder with a breathless laugh. “Good. Now you better get dressed before someone comes in.”

I pull my shirt over my head, wincing as it settles over my back. Negan quirks an eyebrow up in question. “The wall scraped my back a little. But I love the pain, actually. Every time my shirt brushes my back just right, it’ll just remind me that I’m yours. Not that I need a reminder.”

Negan wraps his arms around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head, then sits down and pulls me back into his lap. I place a kiss against his chest, then lay my head down, listening to his heartbeat. He traces his fingers over my arm softly as we sit in silence.

Later, Michonne comes back with another sandwich, slamming the door behind her and setting it on the floor outside the cell and glaring at Negan. “Why did you say those things?”

“I wasn’t trying to piss you off. You should know that,” he replies. 

“Why do you care what I think?”

“‘Cause you never come down here. It’s always Rick or someone else.”

“So tell me why that matters.”

“I shouldn’t have brought up your son. You weren’t ready to hear it.”

“Hear what?” Michonne snaps.

“That we’re the same. All or nothin. You are trapped, same as me. You’re connected to the dead, same as me. We are the same, and you can’t stand that we’re the same.”

“No. We’re not. Yeah, we do what we need to to get shit done. But you get a kick out of it. Me? I’m trying every day to make things better, thinking of ways to bring people together, not pitting them against each other. I sacrifice, and I compromise. And, yeah, I do get strength from the dead, but I live for the living, and I make no apologies for that. My sons are gone, but this world is going to be better for my daughter and for every other child that comes into it.”

“Oh. You’re not scared that you’re like me. You’re scared you’re gonna end up like me— with everything and everyone you love gone.” Negan stands up and walks toward the bars of his cell as he talks; I flinch a little at his last statement but he doesn’t notice. 

“You’re desperately trying to connect with me.”

“Because there is nothing worse than nothing.”

“Long as you’re still breathing, it’s not nothing.” I scoff softly enough neither of them hear me. “Time’s up. Eat, Negan. One way or another, you’re gonna have to.”

He bends over, picks up the half sandwich, and takes a bite before setting it back on the plate. As Michonne turns to walk away, Negan calls out to her. “Wait.”

“What?”

“Before you go there is something I want to ask you.” He sighs softly. “There are things in this world that— that we desperately hang on to when there’s nothing left.”

“This whole time, you thought I was your last, best chance. Oh, god.”

“I— I want to see her. I need to see her.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“Negan, we don’t have your bat.”

“Where— where is she? What did you do with her?”

“Still out there.”

“No,” his voice breaks, breaking my heart once again. “No.”

“Eat, Negan. Food’s good.”

“I am gonna see my Lucille.” Negan says softly, turning away and walking back toward the cot. Then he speaks in his normal voice, pressing his palms against the wall. “Damn it. Damn.”

Before I can react, he punches the wall with a grunt. I stand up and walk up behind him, putting my hand on his arm “Negan, don’t do that, please.”

He turns around, his eyes swimming with tears. I step into his personal space and wrap my arms around his waist. He wraps his arms around me and curls his upper body over me with a sob. I rub slow circles on the small of his back, murmuring softly in his ear. As his sobs quiet, he pulls back and kisses my forehead. After I rip a strip of the thin blanket they finally gave him, I take his injured hand in both of mine, wrapping it around his knuckles, kissing them softly after I tie a knot to keep it in place. 

“I didn’t mean it, you know, not really. About losing everything and everyone I love. I mean, I did lose everything I love. But then you came into my life, and you brought me to life again.”

“It’s ok, Negan, I knew you had to have had someone before all this. You’re an attractive guy.”

We sit in silence for a while, and we eventually fall asleep like that. The days go by monotonously, until the day Maggie shows up at Alexandria. She walks into the basement holding a crowbar-shaped piece of metal in one hand, and the cell key in the other. She stands there glaring at Negan, and I curl my body around him. He chuckles softly. 

“Aw, she just gave up the keys, huh? It’s a shame. She got the blade, but you— you got the fire. My money was on you.”

“So you remember me.”

“‘Course I do. It’s why I thought you were gonna win.” Negan replies. 

“Good. Get on your knees.”

“No!” I cry hoarsely through the tears that threaten to fall. I stand up and take a deep breath, willing them to stay away for a while at least. I step in front of my lover, putting myself between him and the woman who wants to take him from me. “Maggie, please. I know why you’re doing this, and I’m so sorry. Your husband didn’t deserve to die. But Negan isn’t that guy anymore. I mean, he doesn’t even have Lucille, or any weapon.”

Negan hushes me, stroking my hair and kissing the top of my head. I wrap my arms tightly around my knees. “Shh, baby girl. It’s ok, I got this.”

He stands up with a sigh instead of kneeling. “You know I remember you screamin’ in that clearing. I remember how much I broke you breakin’ open your husband’s head like I did.”

“Glenn. His name was Glenn.”

“So now what? You finally come for... revenge?”

“Justice.”

“Damn. Thought you’d do this a hell of a lot sooner. It take you this long to work up the nerve.”

“I was always gonna settle this. What you did to my husband.” I bite my lip to keep from starting to cry. “Get on your knees.”

“What I did to him? You mean how I cracked open his skull and popped out his goddamn eyeball? How I bashed his big, beautiful brains into the ground over and over while you and his little friends watched? Is that what you mean? Ah, I used to say that I didn’t enjoy killin’. That was a lie. Your old man... Christ, I forgot his name again. But he was different. Killin’ him the way I did, ooh, now, that was fun.”

Maggie puts the key in the lock and Negan finally kneels. I whimper softly, hiding my face against my knees and letting my tears fall silently. “Get to it. Have your justice. Kill me. It was worth it.”

“Lemme see you in the light.”

“Come on. Kill me. You not have it in you?” I flinch as the key turns in the lock, clenching my fists and feeling my nails bite into my palms. “Don’t you punk out like Rick.”

“Come into the light.”

“Kill me. This is what you came here for! You kill me!” Negan’s voice rises to a shout as he finishes. 

“Move into the light.”

“Kill me.” His voice breaks as he starts crying. 

I jump as I hear the door open, looking up. Maggie grabs him by the back of his jumpsuit. I flinch, hearing him grunt as his body hits the wall.

“Please. Please. Please kill me.”

“Why?”

“You have to. Just do it.”

“You tell me why! Why? Tell me! Why should I?!”

“So I can be with my wife! So I can be with Lucille! I should be dead. I have to be dead. And it’s supposed to be you. It has to be you, because I can’t do it.” I muffle the sob that rips from my throat at that, lifting my face with silent tears flowing down my face. “I can’t do it. I’ve tried. I can’t. I can’t be like this. Please, please don’t make me stay like this. It’s— settle it. Settle me. Kill me. Please.”

I hold my breath until Maggie answers him, then let it out shakily. “Get back in your cell.”

“No. No. No. No. Why?”

“I came to kill Negan, and you’re already worse than dead. That settles it. Go.”

Negan gets to his feet slowly, walking back into the cell and kneeling on the floor by my knees. I hold his upper body on my lap, kissing the side of his head over and over. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Another sob rips from my throat as Maggie locks the cell, turning around and walking out the door. Negan turns his tear-stained face up to look at me, a small crease between his eyebrows. “I thought she was gonna kill you. She was going to kill you. I almost lost you, again. And what did you mean, you’ve tried?! How? You don’t have a weapon. How did I not know this?!”

My voice had steadily grown more frantic, and Negan stands up, cutting me off by leaning in to kiss me. I cling to his shoulders, cupping the back of his head. He stands up fully and I follow him, whimpering against his mouth as he wraps his arms around my waist. I let out a shaky breath as he pulls away, and I hide my face in his chest. He murmurs to me softly until I calm down. 

“I’m so so sorry, doll. I’m sorry you had to listen to that. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you. I’m sorry you were scared for me. It’s true, I did try, a few times. I’ll spare you the details. I’m not gonna lie, there’s a part of me that wouldn’t care if I died. I mean, I’ve been in this cell for so long. But I wasn’t thinking about you, and I apologize for that. But I’m gonna try to be better.”

I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. Next thing I know, it’s morning. And we’re back to the same old monotonous routine. Except Michonne brings in a couple wooden crates, a baseball glove and a baseball.

One day Judith comes to talk to Negan for the first time. Then she starts coming every day, and it seems to make the hazel eyed man happy. Honestly, it makes me happy too, and not just because it makes Negan happy. No matter how I feel about her parents, I actually really love Judith. We both start to look forward to her visits, and we start helping her with her homework. Today we’re working on math. I stand at the window and Negan stands behind me, his arms around my waist. I lean against his chest as Judith reads out a problem. 

“Airplane ‘A’ and Airplane ‘B’ are 1,000 miles apart. If Airplane ‘A’ is flying east at 500 miles per hour and Airplane ‘B’ is flying west at 650 miles per hour, how—“

“You know, I would definitely recommend booking a flight on Airplane ‘C’, because that is shaping up to be one hell of a mid-air collision.” Negan kisses my neck as I elbow him gently. 

“You gonna help me, or what?”

The tall man chuckles softly. “All right, let me ask you somethin’. You ever seen an airplane fly in any direction at any speed?”

“No.”

“Do you think you ever will?”

“Probably not.”

“So what the hell difference does it make? See, math problems are supposed to apply to the real world. You want my help? Give me a question or a problem from right here, right now.”

“You know the strangers we brought here yesterday? My mom’s gonna make them leave.”

“Well, no, I didn’t know, but let me guess. You being you, you wanna help ‘em.”

“I found ‘em. I brought ‘em here.”

“Lemme tell you something. When I was about your age, I used to bring home stray dogs. My mom, she hated it. I never understood why. THEy always seemed so friendly and grateful. ‘Til one day I brought home the wrong dog.”

“What happened? Did it bite you?”

“Not me. That dog killed all the other strays, chewed off half my mom’s ear when she tried to stop it. The thing is, that dog seemed just as friendly and grateful as the rest of ‘em.”

“What about after that? You ever bring home another dog?”

“Well, hell no. I wised my ass up.”

“Yeah. And look how great everything turned out for you.” Judith shuts her book with a slam. 

“Wait a minute. Where you going? I thought you wanted my help?”

“I do, but just with math.”

“Why just math?”

“Because it doesn’t matter if you’re a good person or bad person on the inside. The numbers don’t care.” She walks up the steps of her house and inside, shutting the door with a slam.

I turn in Negan’s arms with a sigh, wrapping my arms around his waist and tipping my face up to look at him. He bends down a little to kiss me softly. “She’ll come around, babe. She’s almost at the age when she starts forming her own opinions on people without her parents input. She’ll figure out you’re a good person.”

One day Michonne informs us that Gabriel is going to start coming every week to have guided meditation sessions with Negan to see if he can ‘become a better person’. He scoffs and answers sarcastically “It’ll be the highlight of my day”. I disguise my chuckle with a cough.

Unfortunately, the only thing we seem to be getting from our sessions is knowing another week has passed, and Negan is still locked up. As time goes by, I become more and more furious with Rick and Michonne. 

I’m sitting on the bed reading a book and Negan is sitting on one of the wooden crates, tossing the baseball at the opposite wall. Then Gabriel comes down the steps and opens the door, holding his metal bowl and pestle. He strikes the side of the bowl softly and then twirls the pestle around it, creating a low ringing sound. He speaks softly and slowly.

“You are here. Aware of yourself. Just let it go. Don’t judge the distraction. Accept it, consider it, and then release it. Just let it wash over you. It’s all right—“

“You know what, screw it. Screw it. My mind never ‘empties’, anyway. Generally goes straight to that place that would blush the collar right off of you. Although, now that you and Rosita are a thing, maybe I’m wrong. I mean... hot damn.” I scoff and toss the pillow at the hazel eyed man, who catches it with one hand and flashes me his signature smirk.

“I’m just kidding, darlin’. You know you’re the only woman for me. I’m just trying to poke at Gabey here a little.”

Gabriel acts as if he doesn’t hear Negan. “I want to understand why you do this. You clearly want help. I can see you trying.”

“Yeah,” the hazel eyed man chuckles softly. “Maybe we cooked it up, chewed it up, and shat it out already. Maybe this is all we get.”

“You don’t feel like you’re getting any benefit to our sessions?”

“Well, I am reminded that another week has passed, but other than that? Ah, don’t take it personally, Gabe. I know I’m never getting out of here. I do appreciate you coming down here and helping me when that was touch and go for me. But now I got everything I need. This little window right here— it’s as good as a tv. And I loved the shit outta tv back when that was a thing.”

“Acceptance is an important first step. But a life needs to have meaning.”

“Funny thing about this window here. People stand out there, and they talk. And it’s like they don’t remember I’m here. And that— well, that is when I get the really good shit. You know, just the other day, Rosita was out there, chatting up a storm. She said some things that you would find very interesting.”

“I don’t need you to tell me how Rosita feels about me.”

“Now, who said she was talking about you?”

“We’ll try this again next week.” 

“It’s your world, boss.” 

Gabriel turns and leaves without a word, leaving Negan and I without a visitor besides Judith for another week. Another member of Alexandria comes with him this time though. 

“Stick your hands through the bars, Negan. I’m gonna come in there with you, but we’re gonna cuff you first.” The other Alexandrian cuffs the taller man, and I flinch as he grimaces. 

“Do they really have to be that tight, Gabriel? He hasn’t been outside this cell in years, he’s not all that strong anymore. He’s no threat to you.”

After the priest sits down, Negan speaks, picking up the bedpan Rick left him when he first stuck him in here. “You know, I read something fascinating the other day. You know what a smell is? It’s when odor molecules activate neurons in your nasal passages. So every time you come in here and change my bedpan and smell my shot, something that was actually in my ass goes right up your nose.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m sorry. I never know exactly which eye I’m supposed to look at. It’s a little bit distracting.”

“Just. Shut. Up. For once in your life, just shut your damn mouth. I keep scratching at you. I keep trying to figure out what’s underneath it all, ‘cause I think, if I dig deep enough, I’ll find a person. Someone I can help. But I never do, all I find is more—“ Gabriel throws up his hands, turning to leave. 

“What happened?”

“Rosita’s at Hilltop. I sent her out, and she got hurt. The messenger doesn’t know what happened or how bad it is. And I can’t go to help her because I have to be here with you. Because somebody has to stay behind to be responsible for you.”

“Oh god, Gabriel, I’m sorry. Really, I am. If you want to go, I’m here with him. And where is he gonna go, anyway? He’s locked in here.”

“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know.” Negan says sincerely, not that Gabe would ever believe it was anything but patronizing.

“Don’t. It’s bad enough I gotta clean your shit, I shouldn’t have to listen to it, too.” Gabriel stalks out of the cell, slamming the door behind him, then slamming the basement door as he leaves. 

The man with the handcuff key instructs Negan to stick his hands through the bars and unlocks them. Negan comes over to sit next to me, and I pick up his hands, kissing his wrists softly. He smirks, kissing the top of my head.

Later that night, after some mind-blowing sex, we lay quietly for a while, listening to the storm outside. Then Negan picks up the baseball and glove again, tossing the ball at one of the thicker bars, catching it as it comes back. But then he misses, and the ball bounces out of the cell. 

“Oh, well shit.” 

Negan sighs and scrubs his hands over his face. The wind picks up slightly, blowing through the pars at the window. But we hear an odd rattling sound from the door of the cell. Negan stands up and holds out his hand. I take it, and we walk to the door slowly. Negan reaches out his other hand grips the door, and pushes it. 

Gabriel must have somehow forgotten to lock the cell, because it swings open. I gasp softly, and Negan looks at me before walking out. He bends over to pick up his baseball before walking up the steps into the night. We stand there for a moment in shock, then I laugh and throw my arms around his neck. He picks me up and twirls me around kissing me deeply.

“Oh my god, Negan, is this really happening? Are you really free?!”

“It sure seems like it, doll,” I lay my head on his shoulder as he takes a deep breath and chuckles softly. “Let’s get out of here before someone sees us and makes me go back in there.”

Instead of leaving, though, Negan leads me into Alexandria’s garden. He picks an apple from one of their apple trees and takes a bite. Then he picks up a shovel from a pile of tools, looking back toward Rick and Michonne’s house. 

“Babe, no, what are you doing? You’re better than this. You can be better than this, please.”

Negan ignores my protest and walks into the house, walking up a flight of stairs that presumably leads toward the bedrooms. We peek in the door of the room in front of us, realizing it’s Judith’s room. Negan grabs a compass off her headboard. Before we leave, we find Rick and Michonne’s room, and Negan changes into one of Rick’s outfits. He finds a bag and fills it with supplies and food. Then we walk down the stairs and into the early morning light, heading for the wall surrounding Alexandria.

“Negan, there’s no way I’m going to be able to climb this. Go on without me, I’ll just slow you down. Get out of here before someone sees you, please. I don’t trust them not to shoot you on sight. Leave, now.”

“Not a chance, doll. Climb on, I’m not leavifn you behind. We’re in this together, remember?” He helps me climb onto his back, and I kiss his cheek softly before he reaches to hoist himself onto the wall.

“Thought you were smarter than this.” I squeal softly as Judith’s voice rings out through the early morning air. Negan looks down at her holding a gun on us. “Guess not.”

“You’re not gonna shoot me, kid.”

“Um, yeah. I will.”

“Judith, listen to me. Just let us go, and we’ll never bother you, or your people, or anyone ever again. Please, don’t hurt him.”

“I’m not going back. So you just pull that trigger if that’s what you’re gonna do, little lady.” As Negan speaks, I whimper softly, my arms tightening reflexively around his neck for a moment. “How ‘bout this? How ‘bout I go my way, and you go yours, and we never see each other again!”

“How ‘bout no?” 

Judith motions with her gun for Negan to get off the wall, and he does with a sigh, taking off his hat. I slip off his back and slip my hand into his, stepping between him and the gun.

“You know, when your mom and dad... when they locked me up, they told me I was gonna be good for something, that I would help people see that things could change. And they did, holy shit did they ever. For everybody but me. I mean, look around— Alexandria is a goddamn wonderland. But my part? It’s just four walls and a bedpan.”

“Rules are rules. My mom decides, not me.”

“But you can. You know, it’s just like when we have our little chats together. You’re not letting me go. You’re just not seeing me leave.”

“You know, there’s nothing out there for you. For anyone.” 

“Now... you know me. You know me better than anyone’s known me in a very long time, other than my girl here.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I blush softly. “So... I promise— I promise you that I’m not gonna hurt anyone. Even if they try to hurt me, I promise you, I won’t hurt them. But... I gotta go.

Judith lowers the gun and Negan puts his hat back on. “Thank you.” He helps me up onto his back again and climbs up on the wall again. I nod my head at the little girl, my eyes swimming with tears, and mouth thank you’.

“Hey.” Judith calls out before we go anywhere. “Were you in my room?”

Negan looks down at Judith’s compass, holding it up. “You want it back?”

“Keep it. It’ll help you find your way. But if I see you again, I’ll shoot.”

Negan laughs softly. “Yeah. I would.”

We climb the fence, sitting on top of it for a second. I whimper softly, hiding my face in Negan’s shoulder; I hate heights. 

“Do you trust me, doll?” I nod slowly. “I’ve got you, just hold on tight.” He swings his other leg over and drops smoothly down, landing with a grunt. Then I slide off his back and take his hand in mine; he raises my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it softly. We walk for a while, then the hazel eyed man stops, raising his face to the sun and closing his eyes. I watch him, a tear rolling down my face; I can’t believe he’s finally free. He swings the shovel we took from Alexandria over his shoulder and keeps walking. After a while Negan stumbles to his knees, unbuttoning his flannel, pulling it off and tossing it aside.

Just when I’m starting to get tired, we come across a rusted VW van. He sits down and pulls me into his lap; I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him deeply. “Negan, you’re free. You’re finally free. Can you believe it?”

Negan chuckles, cupping my cheek in his hand and kissing me again. “I love you, doll. Thank you for not giving up on me. You could have walked away that day by the tree. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you did. I thought I was gonna die there for a minute. You could have walked away instead of coming to Alexandria with me.”

“I would never walk away from you, Negan. Not for anything. You’re the only thing I’ve got left in this world. I almost shot the prick that day by the tree, you know. If you would have died in my arms, Rick would have been next. His people would’ve killed me, but I would’ve taken as many of them with me as I could. I love you, Negan. I always have. You know that.”

“Lord knows why you love me, but I love you too, darlin’.” 

The hazel eyed man pulls out one of the bottles of water he took from Rick’s house, taking a large pull from it. We sit in silence for a while, just trying to wrap our heads around the fact we’re not dreaming, that he’s actually out. Suddenly we hear a walker growling and banging on the window behind us. Negan pulls the short shovel out of his bag, meets the walker behind the bus, and swings the shovel twice. The first hit takes of the things face, and the second overhand swing smashes its skull; it drops like a sack of potatoes. He picks up his bag and backs away from the dead walker toward a broken down truck. I notice movement in the bed and open my mouth to warn him; before I can say anything, the burned thing has a hold of the hem of his shirt. 

“Shit. Shit.” He drops his bag as he tries to pull away, but the thing’s torso comes off. Luckily that makes the thing lose its grip on his shirt. He lifts the shovel and brings the blade down on the walkers’ neck, slicing its’ head clean off. He bends over and picks up his bag again, dumping the contents out and drops the bag on top. After a while we come to a river and he bends over, cupping water in his hands and drinking some. We sit on the bank for a while, just enjoying the breeze, his arm draped casually across my shoulders. Then I straddle his lap and kiss him, catching his bottom lip between my teeth and pulling a groan from his throat. He pulls away with a chuckle.

“We should keep going, darlin’. As much as I want to fuck you right here, I’d really like to clean up somewhere first. It’s been a while since my last bath.”

I stand up and brush the dirt off my pants as Negan stands up, stretching out his back. He slings an arm over my shoulders and kisses the top of my head. We keep walking until we reach a town, and Negan decides we should look for new clothes when we pass by a store with a broken window. Negan steps through the window first and then helps me so I don’t accidentally cut myself. Then we walk farther into the store, looking around for a sign so we know what direction to look for knew clothes.

We don’t get far before it becomes too dim to see well, so Negan pulls out the three flashlights he packed. The only one that works is the crank one; so he cranks it up, setting it on top of a clothes rack so it lights up a good portion of the room. As he looks through the racks for something to wear, he spots a leather jacket. It’s not as cool as his old one, but I’m sure he’ll look amazing in it regardless. 

Just as he slides it on, we both hear a low growling. It doesn’t sound like a walker, so that only leaves one possibility. We turn slowly toward the sound and see a Doberman snarling at us, and it’s soon joined by two others. The Doberman barks viciously at us, then all three of them give chase. I scream just before Negan snags my hand and we flee farther into the store. 

We end up in a changing room, and luckily the stalls have a solid board on top. He boosts me me up before climbing up after me, and we lay there panting for breath. I curl against Negan’s side, hiding my face against his shoulder. I whimper softly as the dogs pad into the dressing room, and he strokes my hair softly. 

As the dogs leave, he slides down; I follow cautiously, and he catches me around the waist as I slide down. We run in the opposite direction from where the dogs went until we come to an emergency door. Negan tries to open it but it’s locked. Before we know it, the dogs find us again. 

“Negan what are we gonna do?! We’re trapped!!” 

“We’re not trapped. I’m gonna get you out of here. You trust me, right?”

I nod, my eyes flicking between the door and the dogs. Finally, with a final shove of his shoulder, the door opens. But there’s a walker on the other side. I scream as the hazel eyed man grabs the walker, shoving it inside in one second, grabbing my hand to pull me through and slamming the door in the next. 

As we stand there trying to catch our breath, the dogs start barking and whimpering. I hide my face in his chest with a sob. He murmurs in my ear softly, stroking my hair. Finally there’s silence from the other side of the door. I wrap my arms around Negan’s waist, my shoulders trembling slightly with my sobs. Finally, I pull away and wipe my eyes with my shirtsleeve. 

We walk for what seems like hours, then a familiar building comes into view. I laugh and throw my arms around Negan’s neck and he spins me around, kissing me deeply. “Home sweet home.”

Once we get to the doors of the Sanctuary, Negan throws the doors open wide. He walks to the railing overlooking the main room and whistles, sending shivers down my spine as always. I expect people to come running when they hear it, but the Sanctuary seems abandoned. Negan’s face falls, and he leans his weight on his arms. I put my hand on his forearm gently; he turns and pulls me into his arms, curving his upper body over my shoulder. 

We stand like that for a while, then move further inside the abandoned warehouse. Negan uses the shovel to punch a hole in the wall back where he left his motorcycle, and it’s miraculously still there. Suddenly we hear banging coming from somewhere in the Sanctuary, so we decide to investigate and find the one remaining Savior: a walker who was once a ginger-haired man. 

“Big Richie, is that you? Look at you. Loyal to the end.” 

We leave the former Savior alone and investigate the rest of the Sanctuary; we end up in the meeting room. Negan sits in his old chair with me curled on his lap, my head on his shoulder. In the distance we can still hear Big Richie banging around the room he died in. After a while we wander back into the main room, and I help Negan lift up a row of lockers, a chair and a sofa. He sits down on the sofa with a sigh and pulls me gently down next to him. I curl into his arms and press a soft kiss over his heart.

Eventually we wander out to the courtyard to see the walker that used to be Big Richie shuffling off, as well as a handful or more of others. Negan sighs softly. “Damn, Big Richie. Really thought we had something special going on here.”

At the sound of the tall man’s voice, the walkers start shuffling toward us. All it takes is about thirty seconds and a few swings of the pipe he’s holding, and all the walkers but Big Richie are dead. Instead of killing him, Negan leads him back toward the doors leading inside and closes them, hefting a mattress against them to keep them closed. He pulls Judith’s compass out of his shirt and studies it for a moment. Then he opens the door to let Big Richie in, killing him quickly.

Once he’s dead, I run to my room to see if there’s anything I really need. I grab a few battered, well-read Stephen King books and meet Negan outside by his motorcycle. Seeing him sitting there brings back memories of when we’d sneak off for rides, just the two of us, before Rick locked him up. I smile and jog over to him, swinging my leg over the seat and wrapping my arms around his waist. I can’t resist pressing a soft kiss between his shoulder blades before he revs the engine and we’re off, flying down the road with the wind hitting our face. 

Suddenly a figure appears in front of us; I don’t realize they’re holding a gun until they shoot. The bike swerves, and Negan can’t get control of it again, so it tips, sending us rolling. I look up to see Judith holding Rick’s old gun on us. She’s got Michonne’s katana strapped to her back, and Carl’s hat on her head as always. 

Even as shaken up as I am, I still instinctively put myself between Negan and the gun. He holds up a hand with a groan. “All right, slow down, kid. I know you said you’d shoot, but... damn.”

“Whole lotta people are out lookin’ for you. I told you there was nothing out there.”

“You sure as shit did.”

“Language! I’m a kid, asshole.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you are.” He gets to his feet with a grunt, holding out his hand to help me up; once again I subtly place myself between him and the gun that’s still pointed at him, holding his hand in mine. “What can I say? I like to swear in front of my friends. People that know some shit.” He lifts Judith’s compass over his head and holds it out to her. “Thanks for letting me borrow that.”

“You’re going back to Alexandria?”

“Yep. Cell and all.”

“What? Negan, no. We can find somewhere else to go, we don’t need other people. Please, I can’t see you locked up again.” Negan pulls me back against him gently and kisses my shoulder. 

“Why?” Judith questions. 

“‘Cause you were right. I got a good look outside my 10x10, and there is nothin’ here for me. Not anymore.”

“So you go back. Then what?”

“I will let you know when I know.”

Judith turns around and walks away, leaving us to follow. I bite my lip firmly, silent tears streaming down my face. Negan pulls me against his side gently and kisses me behind my ear. “Hey now, darlin’. Don’t cry. I’ll be ok, I promise.”

Finally we’re back inside Alexandria’s gates, and Michonne cuffs Negan again. I follow behind as she shoves him roughly in the direction of her house and the cells in its basement, my arms wrapped protectively around myself. When we get down the stairs and through the door, she unlocks his cell and shoves him roughly inside, locking the door and double checking it. I stay silent as I walk in behind him and sit on the bed, afraid my voice will crack if I try to speak. He sticks his hands through the bars and she uncuffs him, turning around and stalking out, slamming the door behind her.

I lay down and pull my knees to my chest, hugging them tight, and a sob escapes my lips. Negan turns around, his forehead creased in concern. I flip to my other side, staring at the wall. I hear Negan walk up to the cot and feel the mattress sink as he lays down behind me and pulls me against his chest. After a moment I turn again and place a hand on his chest. And we fall asleep like that, locked up once again.


End file.
